Okay, maybe a little Irish

I think this will work again.

2009-01-17T11:55:00.001-05:00

Okay, now that I have fixed the access problems I will try to take up this blog again.

But not right now. My hands are entirely too cold to type.

Canons Jasmine

2007-08-16T16:44:00.000-04:00

Well,

I have purchased a horse. A 13 year old grey straight egyptian arabian named Canons Jasmine.

She is beautiful and full of spunk and sarcasm ...just like me.

This is the fulfillment of a 10 year dream.

Yeah for me.

Damn, just damn.

2007-08-05T12:35:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted much because my personal computer can't access the site anymore and I have to do this from work. But today I really need some therapy.

What really kills me about "Christians" (or at least a certain type) is that they will preach hell fire and brimstone at you non-stop, but turn around and do something cruel without a second thought. (As long as they "technically" don't cross the "big 10".)

Just because they never "technically" lied (they just omitted) its all okay that they rip out your heart and shit on it.

Wrong is still wrong. There is a greater concept of right and wrong that they seem to miss alot of the time. It is not okay to let someone go all along under a mistaken idea that they can have something and let them get attached and more attached and even more attached and to say "well i think I may have found a good owner for __________ after all.", but all the while you know you've already sold that damn horse. He was milking me for my riding fee all the while knowing the only reason I was going up there was to see that particular horse. Not to here his preaching, or put up with that brat of a kid and her foul pony. But I put up with it, I covered my tattoos to be nice since he asked me, I even bit my tongue more times than I can count when launched into his routine. And what did it get me? Crying, that's what. Heartache, and pain.

Maybe I do get too attached too quickly, but damn it he f'ing knew that. It is a part of who I am and I will not apologize for it. But I damn well will not ride another horse without a price tag first. A number and a sure thing.

Friends

2007-06-28T17:49:00.000-04:00

I just got an imprompto text from a friend of mine I haven't spoken to in a while. She just wanted to let me know she was thinking of me. It made me smile on a particularly stressful day.

I also got a call late last night from another friend trying to find out when I was going on vacation so that she could plan her trip so as not to miss me while she was in town.

I feel very lucky to have some very good friends. Nothing can be that bad if there are people out there that care about you.

Did it work?

2007-06-07T10:39:00.000-04:00

Okay, lets try this again.

The last three blogs I've written somehow never made it to the blog and were deleted.

Damn, computer Gnomes.

As most already know. I went to see my wonderfully calm friend Jeremy last weekend. It was so nice to be able to cachup adn just hang out for a while.

I hadn't realized how much I'd missed his sense of humor. He like me has a tendency to get kind of silly (even without alcohol). It was also nice to see two people in a health adult relationship that didn't involve fighting all the time. They pick at each other yes, but their really just playing.
All in all I think Jeremy and Brian have one of the healthiest relationships of all the people I know. It makes me happy for Jeremy because he really deserves to be happy and loved.

Seeing them helped my resolve to stop the pointless nitpicking with Clif.
I've been on a roll lately. The poor guy can't win for losing with me sometimes.

Anyway, we had fun. it was nice to get away for a little while. We went to a show, walked around Centeral Park, and went to Coney Island...not what I expected. It was like a carnival without the nasty clowns.

Anyway, this is the test blog. More later if this works.

Not much going on here

2007-04-07T12:27:00.000-04:00

Okay. I have finally gotten this to work again.

My computer is slowly dying and I haven't been able to get onto my blog in several weeks now, and I'm not comfortable blogging from work. Who knows what might come out of me and who might be snooping on the server.

Work is okay..there's too much and we're all working serious hours again, but it's tolerable.

I've just kind of withdrawn from society for a little while. I haven't felt up to playing nicely with everyone so I've stayed home for the last few weeks. I think the neighbors are beginning to think I'm standoffish (which I am, but its not personal...I just get overwhelmed by obligations). I begin to feel trapped.

But next month I get to go see my wonderful friends Jeremy and Brian in a real city. Coincidently Jeremy has no idea that he has a following down here. My mother and my friend John both think Jeremy is very handsome. John has even taken to reading Jeremy's blog. I think this is sweet.

Clif has bought a house to refinish and rent or sale. I think this is the beginning of his "business". He wants to begin renovating houses and rent/selling them (essentially working for hisself). I think this is a good move for him, but its a little stressful for me as I now feel trapped here. Too many connections and roots. I'd have to break out the chainsaw to get out.

3?, no I'm 32 and it doesn't really bother me who knows

2007-02-05T09:56:00.000-05:00

Another birthday come and gone.

I really am starting to believe that time is speeding up and we are all trapped in some sci-fi movie where time is unexplainable speeding out of control.

Anyway, I had a very nice birthday. Clif made his crab souffle, which I LOVE by the way. It is my favorite dish of his and one of my favorite in general. However, we have to use the artificial crab meat now that my shellfish allergy has decided I am allergic to crab also. This sucks because I love crab cakes.

I still get a little funky even with the artificial because it had around 2% crab meat in it, but it's worth it. My parents came by and then some friends dropped by. One of my friends brought me a bamboo plant...I've seen these before and been sorely tempted to buy one. I was very excited to get one. They fascinate me. Don't know why and clearly it doesn't take much to fascinate me.

Also had a bit of an issue/fight over Clif's family and his need to tell me everything they say about me/us, but that will be another blog. One for adults only because I'm going to cuss.

Anyway, then I heard from my friend in Australia and we talked for around 2 hours. I really do miss her and wish she'd talk her boyfriend into trying it out over here for a while. She and I seems to have very little in common other than a need for pain...Me tattoos and weights and her on her bicycle.

That reminds me , she found it disturbing that I require tattoo pain in my life. Aside from the adrenaline rush that goes along with it (which is why I think people become addicted), there is a comfort to the pain. For some reason with me, it stops that nagging little doubtful voice in my head and reminds me that there are other things in life. That what I am doing now is not truly important in other ways. There is life itself...pain, joy, beauty, no one will die over what I am doing right now. My work is not life saving or world changingly important really. So take a breath and smile. The world has other things to offer.

For some reason, it does take a lot of pain to remind me of that every year around this time.

Ode to tea

2007-01-29T19:41:00.000-05:00

What I would give for a nice cup of Earl Grey with Lavender from Peets Coffee and Tea.

I love tea. It is probably one of my most favorite things on this planet. A good cup of hot tea that soothes your nerves, relaxes your thoughts and allows you to actually think again. For me, tea is very akin to meditation, or at least it was when I drank my morning tea alone. Now frequently there is nearby crunching. (I can't stand crunching, when I am not also crunching, but that's another blog.) Anyway.

But, alas...no Peets here. The closest store is in Boston, not a short drive. The Fresh Market has begun to carry Peets coffee, but tea culture is not so big down here, unless of course its iced.

I miss tea. Good tea. San Francisco has good tea. Oh, I loved London if for no other reason than the abundance of insanely good tea. Even New Orleans had a decent tea selection. Here I have resorted to the same tea everyday, day in and day out. It's not a bad, but it is not the best and there is a distinct lack of variety. Yes, I could order online (I have before), but I just never seem to have the time anymore.

There is a chamomile and lavender tea at Barnes and noble and at a local coffee shop here, but its really just too relaxing. Great in the evenings, not so much in the morning or mid-day. I lapse into a chamomile and lavender induced comma for the afternoon.

Hence, I do not keep the stuff at home. I'd take a lot more naps then.

I have never been a coffee drinker. Some of it smells nice, but to me it tastes nasty. Clif used to tell me I just hadn't had good coffee. However, after 8 years of marriage and 9 years together, he has still not found a coffee I like. He has given it a valiant effort, but no luck.

No, for me it is a cup of hot tea and no other beverage will do at 7 in the morning.

Before you speak...supplemental blog

2007-01-20T18:45:00.000-05:00

FYI... for those about to get on the "Are you vegetarian?" wagon.

No. I am not. I do believe in the food chain, but, no, we are not at the top. Lock yourself in the cage with that caged hunt animal and you'll see what I mean.

However, I do only eat "domesticated" species. I do not eat wild game.

And last time I checked tiger, lion and wolf were not big menu items. Bear..sortof, but not really.

And if you eat what you kill fine, but if you don't you have wasted a life. These are living creatures with a soul. they deserve so much more respect than we give them.

WHY? Why are we so determined to ruin our world and the lives of all the other species on this planet?

2007-01-20T17:50:00.000-05:00

I just watched a horrible movie about two tiger cubs separated by some asshole hunter who was brave enough to shoot the mother, but not the cubs. One was given to a family and the hunter eventually gave the other to a zoo.

Years later, they ended up in a fighting ring together and wouldn't fight each other. Eventual escape ensues, along with a new tiger hunt. End result the small son of the family convinces the hunter after a loving, close encounter with the tigers they respectively raised that they are not killers and they are left in the jungle to live out their lives. (The tigers not the child and hunter.)

Happy ending aside. What the Fuck?????????????????? I must vent now before I explode.

We take animals out of their natural habitat, as babies or not, and then we are surprised when they turn out to be wild animals. Oh, then they must die. We can't have wild animals in our oh so civilized society. WELL, FUCK THAT. WE TOOK THEM OUT OF THE WILD , WE HAVE EOT DEAL WITH IT NOW AND NOT BY F*&^%$# KILLING THEM. (Anybody watched the new lately? We are not that civilized...we kill for sport and call it war. We have children blowing away their entire homeroom class because they are tormented everyday and no one bothers to stop the bullies, the future rapists, the future serial killers.)

We owe it to these wild animals (whose lives we destroyed) to take care of them for the rest of their lives. It is up to us to ensure their safety from us and vise versa. Keep the kids away , keep your arms away..... Too simply say to a tiger who has escaped his suburban two story Victorian house that "Oh we're sorry you got out and killed a neighborhood dog, but that means you have to die now" is irresponsible at best (and in my book cold-blooded murder).

We should not be taking these animals out of the wild. I used to believe zoos and wild animal parks did the best they could and served an important role in preserving disappearing species. More and more I think that is a load of crap. We could save species without putting them on parade, without risking their lives and ours. Possible examples to look into....location camps? Site specific species programs? catch and release fertilization?

I honestly don't know if any of these would work, but AREN'T THEY AT LEAST WORTH A TRY!!!????

Sigh, I fear that they will never be tried, because they do not amuse the masses. The masses like headline news of murdering rampaging beasts (human or not).

How else do you explain caged hunts? For those not familiar, a caged hunt is where some one pays mega-bucks to shoot at an animal (usually a large cat, bear, or other large and very dangerous potential mankiller) which is in a small cage akin to a dog kennel. The person takes no personal risk and the animal has no chance to evade or defend. The worst kind of cowardice and cruelty.

Why? Why does man have to be so fu(*&^% stupid? So cruel? So self-centered? Why are people like this? Someone please give me an answer.

I want to protect them all (animals) from the stupid cruelty of the human race, and I'm failing miserably.

Mice

2007-01-08T20:06:00.000-05:00

Just a short note.

I have a mouse (or mice) in my house. The evidence points to several, but not really more than, I guess, 3-4.

I do not generally like this fact, but I do to wish to begin killing. I generally don't want to kill anything. It is a living creature created by the Goddess. Who am I to take its life away? It is here for a purpose just like the rest of us. It could have been a friend of mine in a past life or may be in a future life. I generally do not mind sharing my house. So long as they leave no real visible signs of shared habitation.

However, I realize that not all share my willingness to cohabitate with rodents. My mother is insistent that I just kill the mouse: bait...never mind that if something then eats the mouse I am responsible for two deaths then. The body count begins to add up. Or less body count, but more gruesome...a killing trap where I must witness first hand my evil deeds. And I am aware that some friends may not wish to come over if they risk viewing mouse antics. (Aires has caugh the mouse before and let it go under the piano. I am certain that he and the mouse are responsible for much of the nightly noisy I now hear). And yet I cannot seem to get myself (or Clif) to find a humane trap (the kind that catch the mouse and then you can release it later...More than a mile from your home or they usually come right back).

I have cats so I should not have to deal with these dilemmas.

Sigh.

Can't I just live with eh mouse. Why must I feel compelled to rid my house of its rodent cohabitants for the comfort of friends and family?

A New Year

2007-01-04T19:11:00.000-05:00

Another year and what have we learned? Well, lets see

That you never really learn your lesson. If you are happy, stay where you are. I mean realistically happy. No one is birds singing, rainbows over head, Julian Sands is waiting in my bed-kinda happy. We must learn to recognize a "hey, this isn't so bad I can do this for the next 5-10 years happy".

That it doesn't matter how much you work and get paid, it will never be enough. Seriously, I have come to believe that money (or at least making more than what you really need) is a trap. It does not matter if you can get a few extra hundred more...it will disappear just as fast. You begin to take it for granted and then you have more bills and have to keep working at that pace until you drop.

A bit of advice...never start chasing money. It ends in sadness and flustration every time.

I have learned that I was right last year: the voicemail button is the enemy.

I have learned that I have too many bosses and that dreams will not happen on their own. Neither will job changes.

Hera is in fact a goddess sent to punish and bless me everyday.

Australia is beautiful. Being stuck on a plane for 13 hours, sucks! Being stuck on a plane for 4 hours next to a bitchy, slef-centered couple sucks more!

Hannibal Lecter, Lestat, and Jean Claude do not exist...they are characters in a book and no matter how hard I wish to be taken away they are just characters in a book. Books are not real...just a pleasant diversion.

Nor are the fey coming to get me any time soon. Sob, sign, sob.

You will always miss those who helped you through hard times, and that ache will not go away. The tie that binds true friendship is a strong ever-present cord that pulls so strongly on the heart and soul that it creates a sensation so akin to pain that most do not recognize the difference. (Yes, I am speaking of you: Jeremy, Swati, Liz, and Jenn). I miss all of you so much it is tangible.

However, new friends will always be there (if you let them) to help you through the pain of being far from old ones (your turn: Jay, John, Val).

And most of all, liquor is not going to make me any happier. It just delays reality.

So there you go: my yearly what have I learned this year list. Not exhaustive, but humorous and hopefully not total bullsh^&.

Happy solstice

2006-12-16T16:54:00.000-05:00

Well,

Here we are a week and a day till Christmas. Less than a week till the solstice (aka Yule).

I have done most of my shopping. I hope to finish tomorrow so that I can avoid any further contact with southern malls this year.

The malls here just do not measure up to northern malls. There's less amusement and good taste, and more redneckness and spoiled children and the dreaded "mall hair". Yes, it still exists. It is thriving along with stretch pants and sweatshirts covered in glitter and "bedazzles" (what ever the hell that means).

I, with my plain jeans and form fitting basic black turtle neck (or sweater), just don't stand a chance out there. Who can compete with people who have been dipped in a vat of glitter, sparkly beads and then pressure coated with pancake makeup?

Hence I give up. I will keep my Yule-celebrating, pagan self away form the modern day beacons of Christmas spirit.

Never mind that it was our holiday first. That the "reason for the season" is actually the winter solstice and rebirth of the sun/earth.

I'm not one to poke fun at other peoples holidays...unless they start antagonizing (okay well actually I am but never mind that now). Sssshhhh Jeremy.

All religions have their place and who is really to say what's right or wrong. I for one was not here when the world began and so do to know who started it. I'm also mostly polytheistic so I believe there is room for everyone's god/goddess/celestial grasshopper/etc.

Really, unless you know (because you were there) then you really don't know who God/goddess/or the celestial grasshopper/etc. is. You could be wrong..you could drive someone off the right path into your darkness if you are wrong. Think about that for a while. Are you so certain you're right and everyone else is wrong that you would risk their soul in an effort to improve your standing in your own mind?

Turkey update

2006-11-22T20:17:00.000-05:00

Turkey is brining, peanut butter balls, broccoli casserole and carrot casserole are made. Clif is remodeling the kitchen as we speak. Why is he doing this I don't know. I asked something and panicked and then got yelled at so here I am. I am staying in another room until its over.

I am officially drinking. I earned it, I worked out today...weights and cardio. Plus all the cleaning and cooking surely burned off another bottle or two. ;)

Sigh. Casey alas did not get bathed. People will have to deal. I work for a living and had 1 day to throw this thing together. I think I did a pretty good job.

By the way, our friend came down from Syracuse last weekend and may move down here. I'm very hopeful, but it would be a shock to his system I think. Visiting is one thing, living it is another.

Plus people always say, "oh, I would like to move here". Then they go home and regain their sanity. We've all done it. I think at least he enjoyed the trip whether he moves or not and it was nice to see a friendly familiar face from my other life. The sane life. The one where I was a human and a woman, not just an associate and "wife". That's not fair to some people, but sometimes it is how I feel. Oh, to open a bookstore.

ANYWAY.

You would be surprised (or maybe you wouldn't) how hard it is to brine a turkey when you do not have a proper sized pan. I have somewhat successfully stuffed a 15 lb turkey into a 10-12 lb container. I have to baste the top every hour, but it beats buying a new container at the last minute.

I think Hera was laughing at me earlier. She was all too gleefully watching me push and shove on the poor departed turkey. Then again it's probably actually lucky it was not alive for that, or maybe I'm lucky it wasn't alive.

Do turkeys have spurs like chickens?

Yea, a day off...oh I have to cook a turkey...again

2006-11-22T10:34:00.000-05:00

Well girls and boys (and those confused).

It is once a again going to be Thanksgiving day. Contrary to what someone in my neighborhood thinks, yes we pagans too do celebrate Thanksgiving (it is not, I repeat not, a religious holiday). Okay, maybe for turkeys...but they don't count. They just need to sit in the oven and shut up. Nothing worse than a chatty turkey.

Yes, one of my more confused and hateful neighbors actuyally asked if Jewish and Muslim people actually celebrated Thanksgiving because "it is a religious holiday". That is all I'm going to say about that. Sometimes people should just stop talking when they are ahead.

Maybe the Indians at the first Thanksgiving dinner were Christian, but I really, really doubt it. I'm pretty sure that Thjanksgiving was mostly about "hey we didn't starve this year".

People scare me. She scares me, and I don't scare easily.

I'm sure she means well, okay, well I'm not sure she means well, but I'm trying to give this poor, confused, naive girl the benefit of a doubt.

I do so amuse myself sometimes.

Anyway, I have taken the day off to prepare for the influx of family and family-in-laws. Goddess help me, I'm hosting again and, yes, voluntarily. Better to wage war on your own turf. Home field advantage.

I think I need to go brine the turkey now. More later.

Blogger problems

2006-11-03T19:16:00.000-05:00

How do you post pictures? My computer shuts down when I go to post a photo.

Love

2006-11-03T18:51:00.000-05:00

Everyone deserves to be loved. I mean not just wanted or needed, but truly loved.

Putting the question of what is love aside.

Why do we settle for less than we actually deserve?

Why would anyone ever settle for someone who says, "I will never love you, but I do want you and I do need you"?

Don't we all deserve someone who looks at us in that special way and who has that special excitement when we come in the door?

And by all means I do know that the "special" feeling does not happen everyday and is a much rarer thing as time goes by, but, if two people do still love each other, then it does still happen occasionally. Moments when you least expect it. Moments when you feel that rare surge of happiness that that person is in your life and will be going home with you, or will crawl into your bed at the end of the day, or even that they are there by your side (on your side).

Why would you settle for someone who will never feel that for you? Someone who wil ultimately alwasy be dreaming of someone else. Someone who might one day get their dream and you will be left out in the cold, or worse they will stay with you out of obligation. Is it that they think that time will change things? That eventually they will come to love them?

Don't they realize that the gut feeling you get when you meet that "someone" is really all that love is eventually? Is it? Or am I just crazy?

Sigh.

Hera's return

2006-10-17T19:32:00.000-04:00

Hera's grouchy return.

Hera apparently set a new barking record at the kennel while we were away. They even sent a picture of her barking home in her suitcase.

She did not bark for nearly a week and it was three days before we heard even a whine. Really it was a very sad raspy whine and obviously elicited some pain from her immediate cowering. She did not like the other dogs. Someone said something about her trying to heard everyone, even the great dane, into a line and getting very cross when noone listened. Apparently she eventually gave up and wouldn't participate in play time. She just wanted to be carried. My hera? Carried, surely they jest!

Poor baby, I'm such a bad mom. I need to find a live in petsitter for her.

Casey on the other hand was supposedly very very good and played well with everyone.

They also went to Paws in the Park last Saturday. Its a fundraiser for the HES. Hera met several other poms and even an Irish Wolfhound that remined us of our friend Finnigan.

Are we really in October?

2006-10-17T19:23:00.000-04:00

Well,

Here we are in October. I don't know where this year has gone to.

I'm less clueless at work and more certain I need to change to something that makes me feel more successful in my average day and less like the bad guy.

I have added two more countries to my passport and seen two wonderful friends. One I had not seen in nearly 6 years. I have lived in the hood for a year and yelled at homeless people asking for money. I have yelled at zoning officials and clients. Go me!! I have snapped at both my co-workers and my boss. More times than I can count.

I have tried to befriend my fellow firm associates, and given up.

The state of Tennessee is regresswing back to the 50s but it takes all kinds. okay no it doesn't take teh kind that would outlaw gays from adopting or marrying, but I'm trying to be les critical. It's not working.

My sister in law is pregnant with child number 5. He has 3 and she has 1 already. I am right that there is an over-population problem, right?

My girls are happy, my boy is content, and Clif is spoiled. All in all not a bad year.

I'm back

2006-10-05T18:00:00.000-04:00

I'm back.

the trip was great. Sydney is beautiful.

It was great to see Jenn again and I have to admit even though I went over there entirely determined to dislike this person who has removed her from the wonderful world of TN, I actually liked him.

He has some issues, but don't we all.

They have a very nice apartment and live dangerously close to the ocean...within a 20 minute walk. I would never get to work if I lived that close to the water.

Clif and I did lots of touristy things and then hung out with them at night. We also went to the Blue Mountians...Katoomba (?) Don't know if I spelled that right.

Wonderful hiking...we walked right out into a flock of wild cockatoos. Very loud, very aggressive.

I also met a nice, Irish zoologist. (Under other circumstances, that man would not have gone back to Dublin alone. Let me tell you.)

We also stopped in Auckland, New Zealand for two nights. Very pretty hiking again...bad food poisoning. Be suspicious of salmon in Russian restaurants. My Russian obsession once again got the better of me.

And I saw my friend in San Francisco and had to force myself to leave. I wanted to stay. The ocean is so beautiful there and everyone is much more open. Women with tattoos do not draw stares except from tourists. (Okay the real test is the guy in the hot pink short shorts...but he wasn't stared at either so its all good). Although I did smile internally. Really...hot pink short shorts.

I can't think what made me leave before. Okay, well I was young and too scared and niave to really give it a chance. I was away from home and just married with no money and a husband that worked 12-14 hour days. It was too much for the person I was then.

Now I wish I could go back. But someone has his heart set on staying put.

but I have to say that the trip for SF to TN was not as good. I'm now sick because someone on the plane had a cold and Clif caught it this I now have it.

I also further understand the verbal slapdown after having to run to catch the plane in Atlanta. People, if you see me hurdling toward you at high speed on a down escalator...move the f*^% out of the way. I will cuss you and I will push past you if you do not move.

More news of my adventure and Hera's return later.

Free at last...Okay well for 2 weeks anyway.

2006-09-11T18:07:00.000-04:00

Well it is 4 days and counting until I will be on a plane to San Francisco and then on another plane to Australia. I have two whole weeks without the office. I won't have to see the little red VM light or wonder what the "voice" has to say this time. No sitting in the bosses office in silence sweating and thinking, "If I just passed out it would be over".

The "voice" is a running joke in our office. The "voice" tells you to do things and you do what the "voice" tells you to. Immediately.

Anyway, back to Australia. I am going to visit a law school friend who is lucky enough to have a work visa there. She's homesick and I have the southern lawyer's version of cabin fever. I need out...NOW.

I have most everything I need now and just need time to pack. I hope all goes well. The girls have reservations at the doggy spa and the kitties shave a pet sitter coming.

By the way, my beloved casey monster has been diagnosed with Lyme Disease. No idea when or where she picked up the tick. I have not seen one on her this year. I've found plenty on clif. Maybe he picked one up and gave it to her?

I got a real laugh out of what my "Australian" friend said, "Wouldn't it be nice if she could say, 'Mom, Clif gave me a tick and now I don't feel well.'"

She's in antibiotics. Hopefully, it hasn't progressed very far and this will cure it.

Hello, what are we doing?

2006-08-30T18:52:00.000-04:00

If we can't find enough people to fight one war, why are we even talking about starting another?

Am I the only one who is asking this question?

Has anyone heard of this little thing called a "draft"?

Women's rights?

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Oh, and those over 30, please they will raise the age limit. Don't doubt it for a second.

I personally have no interest in being drafted to go overseas and die. I commend those who are courageous enough to bravely go and those brave enough to stay behind. But...I love my own skin entirely too much and have no interest in destroying another country so ...

Count me out.

I work with conservative republicans all day and I here it all. And its too much. Am I the only person who thinks we should fix our own country first? What about the starving here, the homeless, the unemployed here who need jobs? the rascism? gender bias? and don't get me started on sexual preference or religious freedom?

My weird fascinations

2006-08-13T15:25:00.000-04:00

Well,

My strange fascination with Russia has risen again. I rented this very strange and yet delightful Russian horror movie (not really all that horrifying) Night watch. I can't find a copy of the sequel (Day Watch) with English subtitles yet though. But it is supposed to be coming.

I would really like to start Russian classes and the local college, unfortunately I need the time and the energy to juggle one more thing before I can. I don't want to start and then stop. I've been thinking of learning Russian for 3-4 years now. It just strikes me as an interesting language and culture.

I've been warned of the food though. And from what I've had with good reason I have not had "Russian" per se, but I have had some foods from nearby countries which were once upon a time part of what was the USSR. (I think that's right...I'm not very good with history and names. So please forgive any mistakes.) Anyway, lots of unrecognizable meat.

Anyway, Clif is now feeding the curiosity by saying we could learn passable Russian and visit Moscow or ST. Petersburg. HHMMMM.

But for now, I have to get through the 24 hour flights to and from Australia without getting paranoid or airsick or claustrophobic or any liquids.

Oh Goddess, I want to disappear.

2006-08-10T22:12:00.000-04:00

Picture: Your at the house of a new couple you've made friends with, having a good time, relaxing.

then: you stand up. You talk compare movie choices, and talk about Ewan Mcgreggor and his nice ass.

then: someone says "did someone spill their wine?"

ahhh: you look t the stain...Recognition...you look at your skirt......oh, mo*&^%$ (*(*^ , sh(**. No that is not wine.

YOU HAVE JUST BLEED ALL OVER THEIR WHITE COUCH!!! Can we say embarrassed!

Mind you this is a gay couple who never thought they would have to wonder about getting mistral blood out of there couch.

I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I will not be going back to their house any time soon. I am too embarrassed

Wedding and inappropriate touching

2006-07-28T17:57:00.000-04:00

Okay,

Well my sister in law is now married. the wedding went off well. Except that I went down the aisle with my dress safety pinned together. No. I'm not kidding the bustle and sashe were held on by safety pins.

Not only that, but a complete stranger had to run her arm up my dress to get it pinned together.

Most people who know me well, or even a little, will tell you how much that bothered me. I do not like being touched and especially by people I have just met. And really especially in area of my body that only Clif and my alterations guy (presumably gay) has standing permission to touch me in!!!!!!!!

But I held my tongue and smiled through it. Kuddos for me.

Tired

2006-07-02T12:28:00.000-04:00

Okay, damn it.

I have been sick for four, count em four weeks now. Clif brought home the virus from hell and low and behold it has turn into a lung infection in me. I have no energy, a monster cough, and an errand shelf life of about two hours. I cannot seem to get anything done.

I can get up and go for about two hours on the weekends and then just want to lie down and sleep.

Work is less productive and its a real struggle to get there in the mornings. I'm just so tired its like I have to fight to move in the mornings. By the end of the day, I'm just staring at the computer and my chest and back hurt from coughing so much.

My doctor (who I've seen twice now) keeps using the term walking pheumonia (I know I did not spell that right but the dictionary is in the other room and its gonna stay there...reference the no energy comment above). That phrase makes me nervous. It's not like I can actually take time off work or rest or anything. I have a house, work, a husband, and a sister-in-laws wedding in two weeks (complete with bustle dresses, men in cavalry uniforms with swords, and a cranky ass father-in-law).

I was warmed yesterday that these are "good ole Georgia boys" and that given my figure I should expect touching and pinching. Well, as long as they understand that I will take there hands off with their own f*&^&^$% swords then. I do not like touching without permission and only 4-5 people have my permission to touch me without explicit leave to do so and these best men/men of honor what ever they are called are not on that list. So unless they look like Ewan McGreggor or Robbie Williams, keep hands off the little red head...she bites! And she's diseased.

I just can't see this wedding go off without a hitch. Not given this bunch. Did I mention there's no alcohol at the reception?

I will be sure to keep you posted.

One of life's good frustrations

2006-06-13T21:34:00.000-04:00

Here's the deal.

Some of you will know what I'm talking about, some won't. I have been reading the Fire and Ice series by George R R Martin (I've really gotten into reading fantasy lately...I have too much reality in my life already). He had 4 books already finished and I've diligently read all of them but the last ...it doesn't contain the characters I'm most interested in, but its on the agenda to start this weekend.

It is sooo traumatizing to go from book to book in a series and then reach the end of what's already published. It's like cutting off a junkie. It isn't pretty, especially since he's been know to go 5 years between books in this series. At least Laurrell Hamilton is predictable. Two books a year is typical, we're lucky...we get three this year, assuming the Gentry book comes out in winter.

I want my characters back!!!!!!! I cannot go cold turkey. I need my fantasy...my break from the reality of law and being the only female attorney and mind games and cleaning house adn family and period weddings and aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhh...

Now I have to find another series to tide me over. That's not going to be easy. I shall just have to spend all my (ha, ha) free time at the book store drinking tea and searching diligently for the next great distraction.

Oh yeah, did I mention 190 hours (billable) last month...yeah, I have no life.

Never use a dead Chihuahua as a weapon!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-06-12T19:48:00.000-04:00

Okqay, I don't know if this is more funny or more disturbing. It's another article from the San Francisco Chronicle website "Weird News" section.

Police: Woman Hits Breeder With Chihuahua
Thursday, June 8, 2006

A woman angry that her new puppy had died pushed her way into a dog breeder's home and repeatedly hit her on the head with the dead Chihuahua, authorities said.

The 33-year-old woman told police she had taken the puppy to a veterinarian, who said it was only 4 weeks old and needed to be returned to its mother. But before she could return the puppy, it died.

Early Wednesday, the woman went to the breeder's home, pushed her way inside and began fighting with the breeder as she tried to make her way to the basement to get another puppy, police said.

The breeder wrestled the woman out of her house to the front porch, where the woman then hit the breeder over the head numerous times with the dead puppy, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported, citing police.

As the woman drove away, she waved the dead puppy out of the car's sunroof and yelled threats at the breeder, police said. She later called the breeder and threatened her and her family, according to court records.

Police said they are considering felony burglary charges and misdemeanor assault charges.

Attack cat

2006-06-10T15:00:00.000-04:00

I found this article and it reminded me of my parents cat. She had a bad habit of practicing her sneak attack on Clif. Unfortunately for her, but fortunately for the rest of us, she was declawed.

ARTICLE BELOW.

Janet Kettman says she and her neighbors on Sunset Circle are always looking over their shoulders in fear the stalker will strike again.

"He attacks from the back," Kettman said Monday. "You never see it coming. He has six toes on every foot, which constitutes a very formidable weapon."

Kettman said she was attacked twice by Lewis the cat, whose owner was due back in court Tuesday on a charge of second-degree reckless endangerment.

Ruth Cisero, the cat's owner, recently withdrew her bid for special probation and opted for trial because she would have had to allow Lewis to be euthanized.

Eugene Riccio, attorney for Cisero and Lewis, said "We're trying to negotiate a fair resolution of the case which will include Lewis' life being spared from the executioner."

On Tuesday, Cisero was in Bridgeport Superior Court on a charge of second-degree reckless endangerment. A hearing was set for June 20 to determine whether she could get special probation and have her cat's life spared.

A few animal-rights protesters showed up Tuesday wearing T-shirts in support of Cisero and Lewis.
"They want to kill a cat for a scratch," said Marisa Sampieri of Fairfield, one of the cat's supporters. "These people have to get a life."

Neighbors say they have been terrorized by Lewis, saying the cat's long claws and stealth have allowed the cat to attack at least a half-dozen people and ambush the Avon lady as she was getting out of her car.

"I fear for the people on Sunset Circle," Kettman said. "Whenever you go out, you look in back of you to see if there is anything stalking you."

Kettman says she was a champion racquetball player, but at 76, the retired nurse is no match for Lewis. In the second attack last December, Kettman said Lewis bit her three times and left about eight deep scratches.

"He will not retreat," Kettman said. "His mouth is open and his tail is swishing."
"Also, he gives out mixed signals," Kettman continued. "He would sidle against you and purr. You bend down to pet him and he'd attack you."

Lewis was put on the antidepressant Prozac, but his owner was worried he became too sleepy, Kettman said.
There have been unconfirmed sightings lately of Lewis at 5 a.m., Kettman said.
Riccio confirmed that Lewis was on Prozac at one point. He said Cisero has kept her cat indoors, and he suggested Lewis' rap sheet is not as long as his neighbors say.

"I think the characterization of Lewis' prior conduct has been somewhat exaggerated," Riccio said.
Lewis has other supporters, who have sold more than 500 "Save Lewis" T-shirts to raise money for his defense fund.
The special probation offer with conditions was made at the insistence of one woman that Lewis attacked on February 20. In a letter to prosecutors, she said she would only agree to probation for Cisero if the cat were put to death.

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press.

Woodchippers strike again.

2006-05-14T11:39:00.000-04:00

WARNING: this is likely in bad taste. Read at your own risk. You have been warned.

I have found yet another article on a woodchipper death. People you must stay away from these creatures. They are blood thirsty.

Article below.

A Colorado man died in a wood chipper on Dec. 28 while feeding branches into the machine.

According to the Associated Press, Brian Morse, 54, a tree-trimming service owner, was the accident victim.

Larimer County Coroner’s Office investigators pronounced him dead at the scene.

In 2000, a 33-year-old California worker died as he was loading pine and eucalyptus into a wood chipper. His coworkers were some distance away when they heard “strange” and “overloaded” noises.

A supervisor approached and realized that the worker had been pulled through the machine. The official cause of death was “total body fragmentation.”

In the 2005 incident, a coroner’s statement said only that Morse had died in “an industrial accident involving a commercial wood chipper.”

The Occupational Safety and Health Administration responded and will investigate whether the safety equipment on the wood chipper was working properly, according to Loveland Police Sgt. Rae Bontz.

Two men were trimming the tree when one was pulled into the chipper, Bontz said. The other, who had been cutting branches in a bucket truck, ran to the house at 2363 Fountain Drive, where they were working, and the woman who lives there called 911.

Police Chief Luke Hecker described the victim as experienced at his work.

Safety procedures call for a second worker to monitor a first when operating a wood chipper.

Sources: The Loveland (Colo.) Daily Reporter-Herald, www.landscapeonline.com

Ouch

2006-04-23T10:51:00.000-04:00

I managed to gash open my big toe yesterday on the new brick walk that CLif and my dad put in. I really opened up my toe. Even more bizarre before the pain set in I was fascinated by trying to identify the tissue level it opened it up to. I think I made it all the way to muscle. At least that's what the striations of the tissue looked like.

But its been so long since I study tissues I could be completely wrong.

Then the pain set in and I'm now beginning to worry about infection. Since I have to go to a conference tomorrow through Wednesday in Orlando if it is infected it will be Thursday before anyone with a medical degree will get a look at it.

I can only where my flipflops at the moment. No shoes are going over this sucker today unless people what to here me scream. That might upset the neighborhood kids a bit. Did I mention I also dropped teh granite door stop on this foot. Yeah, not good.

Also Clif has me watchin gthe Angels in America miniseries off of HBO. The first two sucked...as in so depressing I wanted to throw myself off the roof, give up on happiness, and crawl into bed never to re-emerge.

The third and forth haver been better. It's a good series, and I woudl recommend it to anyone in need of a good cry or who is emotionally strong enough to handle the painfull beginning.

It has a good prespective question on what is love and how does it relate to sex, and what happens when two people who are together don't have the same definition and aren't strong enough. Then there's the ultimate evil ...Roy Crone. Goddess, that guy 3was a piece of work.

First Court Appearance

2006-04-19T18:54:00.000-04:00

Well,

My first day in court. A motion hearing. I got it postponed, but I feel bad.

Opposing counsel threw a hissy in the hallway of the court building saying I misrepresented what his secretary had said to me. He actually yelled at me. He also said I was ignorant and did not know what I was talking about and to "run along little girl". Yeah, end of conversation.

I find this curious. We were there because the judge told us to try and work this out and save our clients some money. My client has issue but would drop his client if they were met. I do not understand this behavior. If I had done something inappropriate I beleive the judge would have scolded me and I believe the other attorney could have been at least polite. I do not think this behavior an indication of anything but rudeness and a soreloser.

Did I mention this guy is older than dirt? As in over 60 years old and still in practice.

I know that I did not intentionally misrepresent anything, I stated what I understood her to be saying. It is unfortunate that it came out in open court, however I felt backed into a corner.

Anyway, my first court appearance ended with a win, but me feeling like a very bad person, even though I do not beleive I did anything wrong.

What happened to the I don't care attitude I used to have? I never cared what anyone thought of me. Sigh.

Gardening time is here

2006-04-12T19:53:00.000-04:00

Sigh.

It seems to be officially summer here. 70's and 80's most days with birds and insects happily flitting about. It's nice to run and break a sweat again. I have planted two Don Juan roses that are comming along nicely. I've managed to move my millions of house plants outside and now can walk through my house again.

I also have a swath of petunias and snapdragons. My elephant ears have not come up yet (i'm growing concerned), and my irises seem confused.

I have two other roses that aren't as happy, but I think its lack of direct sunlight.

This is my refuge from work and life. I dig in the dirt and reaffirm my connection to the planet and the goddess.

Then I fill my bird feeders and watch the masses swarm. They drive the cats crazy. It's fun.

I have a growing desire for a small greenhouse and have begun to hatch plans for a small part of the yard. Not that there's much of a yard to begin with. But for now this will do.

Stress and home protection.

2006-03-21T19:55:00.000-05:00

The Syracuse house appears to be closing.

I am still trying ot be brave. But I can't get over the fact that this means I'll never go back through that door and collapse onto the goofy blue couch and feel the weight lift off like I did when I came back from New Orleans. It was like I could relax for the first time in months. Here I feel the same way. I can't find my path and I can't relax. Everywhere there is a reason to stress.

Here's an example. (You will most likely not like this speech if you are a touchy feely person...I already knwo I'm a bad person. Clif lets me know that regularly.)

My Clif has once again befriended a semi-homeless drunk guy. He gave him money once and then had him doing odd jobs around the house. The outside of the house. He's terrified of Casey, and I don't like or trust him. I've told Clif that if he ever lets him close to Casey so that thinks he's a friend I will kill them both.

Well, that was fine. he made a couple of inappropriate comments, but I can deal with that. Then he was peaking in the window at 9:30 at night. Oh no, we are not having that shit! I sent Clif out to "deal" with the situation. Yeah right. He told him to come back the next day and not do it again. The guy claimed he was afraid the of the dogs and didn't want to knock, but wanted to get Clif's attention. So he stood outside the window looking in and waving. Not cool, sooooo not cool.

The next day he appologized to me...he caught me outside and I couldn't get in withotu beign flat out rude. Said he thought about it later and realized I might have a gun ro call 911. Damn right I have a gun and will I use it if you come in my house uninvited. Then I'll call 911.

But alas he showed up a few nights ago again..at around 9:30. Again not cool, sooo not cool. He seemed drunk or high. Asked for money, and low and behold...Clif did not give him any. I was standing in the living room ready to hit both of them with a large and heavy object should Clif move for his wallet.

Then the next day the guy claimed to not remember coming by. I think that goes with being a junkie, I have a family member with alot of experince in not remembering anything. This also concerns me because Clif has been down this path before...helping a guy out and getting robbed for it. I will not allow myself and Hera to be placed at risk so Clif can feel like a better person.

I am all for helping out those in need, but I draw the line at people who come to my house drunk, high or begging. Do not approach me at my home and stay the hell away from my windows at night if you do not want me to call 911. I will not ask questions first and I do not forgive and forget (Wiccan or not...I will remember and I will hold it against you).

I now have to worry about this guy breaking in when he's out of cash and needs a fix. He knows we have money and when we're likely to be gone. I worry daily now about Hera's safety when I'm not here. If he comes in when I'm not home he could steal her or kill her or let her out and she has no fear of cars----she'll die. I will not live without my Hera. I wil protect her at all costs people and if that means being rude ot homeless people so be it. If it measn calling 911 on this guy so be it. Clif can pitch all the fits he wants. And if it is that much a problem for him to think of our safety we have a much bigger issue.

This is a small town but that does not mean everyone is a nice, honest person. Junkies are junkies and not everyone who is homeless and down on their luck is a good guy.

As Clif said it isn't his house, he doesn't pay the bill.

So I have contacted a home security company and I'm getting a third deadbolt and chain. Alas I don't know what else to do.

Heat is highly undervalued

2006-02-26T13:14:00.000-05:00

Currently, I have no heat. I'm freezing.

The gas furnace has quit igniting. The repair guy has been called, but isn't returning our call. The gas logs aren't working either. Clif went to light them as a flame came out of the main valve, not good. As a result the gas to the house has been shut off, even if the repair calls and comes by I don't see how this will resolve hte situation.

So not only is the heat in the house not working, but there is no other way left to heat the house.

I have one small space heater and it clearly isn't doing the job. I'm losing feeling in my fingers so I must go now.. I think I'm going to spend the day in bed under the electric blanket.

Yep, I thought so

2006-02-26T12:52:00.000-05:00

Well,

First of all, I saw Brokeback Mountain. Very good movie. Very sad movie. I don't cry, but if I did and if I admitted to it, I would have cried all the way through. It stays with you for a while: the idea that love has to hidden by a cover story and other innocent people (cover story spouses for instance) have to be made to suffer for societies ignorance. It is avery sad commentary on our world, becasue you know that even now there are people out there who are still hiding and for some very good reasons. No one should have to hide who they are. Everyone has a right as a living creature to be themselves and love whoever they want.

Afterall, we don't always control these things. It is a rare peson who says, "I think I'm going to become gay" or "I think I would prefer to be gay" especially in today's society. (Well, okay I know a few wives that might have made that last statement ...but I don't think they actually meant it. I think it was frustration at the male of our species and what happens to them once they marry.) I do think genetics has a bit to do with these things. Not in all cases mind you, but some role in many cases.

I won't say I understand, but as someone who lives in the south, I do understand about doing what is expected of you( as a woman) and I have an inkling of how drastic the consequences can be if you don't. This is mostly because I rarely do.

I really am suprised this movie is playing in Chattanooga . I'm even more suprised that the ever-protesting Christian right hasn't come out in mass to stop the "moral decline of society". BLAH.

I did managed to shut up the ever yapping, high school educated receptionist at work by telling her: 1. I saw the movie, 2. I liked the movie, 3. I have gay friends, and 4. I support love in any form that doesn't involve a. children or b. animals.

She looked confused and went back to her cubicle. She didn't speak to me the rest of the day. It was wonderful.

Strange

2006-02-20T18:33:00.000-05:00

I'm having a problem. I seem to be able to post on my blog, but not actually view my blog.

Good byes, and ramblings

2006-02-13T19:19:00.000-05:00

The house is under contract. I have been as brave as I know how to be. I have more memories in that house than anywhere else I have lived. More happy memories than those others combined. I became more "me" there than I ever thought possible. I could be who I was (still am) and not who everyone else needs me to be. And people still loved me...right...right...HEY, you out there confirm!

Here, I fight everyday not to be swallowed by that insecure girl/southern "f*^&%#@!" bell/housewife/meek blond everyone wants me to be.

Not one ounce of me wanted to sign that paper, but I did. I almost lost it though when someone asked if I really wanted to do this. I simply can't keep making two house payments, and a certain someone still doesn't want to go back.

I, however, still miss it all. Okay, well not the freezing walk from the parking lot to the office in the mornings, but I do miss Blue Tusk, Kitty Hoynes, and (sigh) my candy colored house. The true autumn and the actual happy people.

But we must forge ahead in life. No looking back right?

As Fiona Apple once sang,

"there are times when my mind does not shake and shiver, but most of the time it does."

It is only a matter of time until I have a breakdown and yell at everyone here. I know who I'm starting with. Anyone care to guess? It's not who you would think.

People should really think about the pressure they place on you. Telling someone your proud of them is wonderful, but don't do it every time you speak to them and combine it with their career (as it is precisely right now). It creates a kind of pressure to not fall back, not change, not rethink. Which is what I am all about--change. I can't stay in one place, or one job, or anything else for my entire life. I get panicky and want to run away from home. Maybe an island? I could live the Jimmy Buffet life style for a while? Be a nature tour guide?

Just a thought.

Later guys.

Update

2006-01-20T19:02:00.000-05:00

It is still interesting at work.

Admitedly, I seem to make more "sloppy" mistakes here than anywhere else I have ever worked. I'm at a loss as to why. I have noticed it seems to correspond with my stress level. My boss has a way of totally freaking me out. As I mentioned before he is a very high stress guy. He will totally "tear you a new one" over a typo. I'm not kidding. Goddess help you if you forget to number pages or miss a date.

Usually my mistakes start small and build. I think its because when he starts to freak out, I freak out and well, no good comes of that.

They always end badly--larger mistakes like not catching parcel description errors or the incorrect recording office being listed on a deed. Mind you they always get caught before the document goes out, but still.

They are giving me new office furniture though, and a better office. I have no idea why. I don't know that I see myself there in three years. I think I'd do better on my own or maybe a lower stress office. We'll see. I know I am not the only associate there who feels that way. They seem to go through us at a rate of about one a year. I think this years candidate has already made himself known.

Meanwhile, I just keep going to work and coming home at night. I work out, and read--alot. Drink some. Watch the occasional crack whore wander down the street looking confused. They still aren't certain about this neighborhood having turned around--they get lost and wander down here. Occasionally, a pimp tags along. They leave quickly--on their own or with the help of the local cop who parks on our street.

I also have my eye on a building down the street that would make a lovely late night bookshop. It's right next door to a gay club, pretty odd crowd, but nice enough. Clif and I have gone a couple of times--straight people take over on Friday and Saturday because it is the only local place which isn't a meat market for the university students.

They have a pretty good drag show on most Saturday nights.

Isn't life strange?

WHY?

2006-01-09T19:19:00.000-05:00

Okay,
I guess it's time for me to get back on the soap box.

I am referring to the article posted below.

I can not believe how sick you must be to pick up a small harmless creature and throw it into a fire. Granted, some people have an aversion to mice. They do have their down sides: plague carriers, food definlers, and droppings. And some otherwise sane, rational adults have horrible fears of these small furry friends. But I really doubt the guy who picked one up had an irrational level fear.

These are fellow creatures who share our planet. They do feed the more "socially appropriate" animals: wolves, foxes, cats, birds of prey, and even large scale predators such as bears and people, occasionally. They keep grasses in check and help spread seeds fo rnecessary plants.

But besides my "they are entitle to the planet too" approach to life, this guy picked one up, presumably looked at it, and decided it should BURN TO DEATH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He decided it should not die humanely, but rather endure the pain of being burned alive. AM I the only one that sees this as just sick? The only one who thinks, "And this guy is loose on the streets?" What about an inconvenient neighborhood cat, or small dog? Yes, this is a slippery slope argument but so is the world we live in (and the human mind).

Even if you are a strict "man is the only souled life form" Christian, what happened to be kind, and caring to the lower creatures? Isn't man a "steward" of the Earth and its creatures...not the destroyer, inflicter of pain?

The Goddess isn't always so quick with her revenge and I think this guy has alot more coming. Hope he likes his next life in the corner of someone's basement. I sure hope they don't have the same attitude he does.

Dude has soem serious Charma coming to him

2006-01-09T19:17:00.000-05:00

Mouse Thrown Into Fire Sets Home Ablaze

By Associated Press
Published January 8, 2006, 10:51 PM CST

FORT SUMNER, N.M. -- A mouse got its revenge against a homeowner who tried to dispose of it in a pile of burning leaves. The blazing creature ran back to the man's house and set it on fire.

Luciano Mares, 81, of Fort Sumner said he caught the mouse inside his house and wanted to get rid of it.

"I had some leaves burning outside, so I threw it in the fire, and the mouse was on fire and ran back at the house," Mares said from a motel room Saturday.

Village Fire Chief Juan Chavez said the burning mouse ran to just beneath a window, and the flames spread up from there and throughout the house.

No was hurt inside, but the home and everything in it was destroyed.

Unseasonably dry and windy conditions have charred more than 53,000 acres and destroyed 10 homes in southeastern New Mexico in recent weeks.

"I've seen numerous house fires," village Fire Department Capt. Jim Lyssy said, "but nothing as unique as this one."

Copyright © 2006, The Associated Press

sigh

2005-12-27T18:23:00.000-05:00

Well,

another Christmas/Solstice come and gone. The in-laws were all here, with my parents. All in all it went pretty well. I got a very nice bike from Santa and have been very steadily improving. I went both days to the river walk and rode. I even passed people today.

Yes Jen, without falling over!

I have the week off from work. According to my boss it's well deserved. I guess that means I'm doing okay.

I even took time to watch Dr. Zhivago. I love that movie for some reason. The line where Victor tells Lara they both know she is not the first kind of woman. That being the "idealist", the second being "alive". I guess for those of us who are "alive" and yet married to an "idealist" it's a more significant moment.

I also think it's a very good character study of certain "types" of people: the idealist, the pragmatist, and the one's caught in between.

Plus I have a strange fascination with Russia, or what was the USSR. Don't know why, just do.

Holidays

2005-12-24T20:21:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas!

Happy Solstice!

Happy Haunaka!

Happy Kwanzaa!

Merry whatever!!!

I am very busy preparing for the family tomorrow. Mine and his, so I'll write in detail on Monday, or Tuesday. Whenever I sober up.

Star Wars

2005-11-26T11:34:00.000-05:00

I finally watched Star Wars III last night.

How depressing. Well, we knew how it would end, but damn people. Did it have to be so grim? Poor Yoda. I've always loved Yoda--he just flat out kicks ass.

Lesson: Never underestimate someone because their smaller than you.

I'm also slightly depressed by the fact that there will be no more Ewan McGreggor as Obi One. Sigh.

I'm all for sexy Scotsmen (with swords of any kind). According to a friend of mine that's just a celtic thing though. She thinks you have to be of celtic descent to understand the attraction. She doesn't get it, but, hell, she's in to Australians, so there you go.

Anyway, overall I was not impressed. I thought the other two were better. I'm not sure why though, just didn't like it.

Nope, I'm going back to Hogwarts.

Questions

2005-11-26T11:22:00.000-05:00

Here is a question,

At what point do we lose so many of the "little" things that make up who we are that we have lost ourselves?

Yes...hair color, style, clothing, music, paint colors for our houses, furnishings, cars, diet, hobbies, what we chose to place around ourselves (our "chosen environment" for a lack of better term) do not make up who we are, but is it not true that all these things combined make us who we are?

How many of those can we lose before we look in the mirror and realize we are someone different? And how do we stop the progression once it has begun?

Perhaps we just throw up our hands and give up? No, I think we should begin yelling and refuse to take a single step further. In fact don't we take many, many steps back? Should we not, in effect, revert to our pre-changed existence?

Thanksgiving

2005-11-20T18:45:00.000-05:00

Need I say more?

However...

the father-in-law does get to meet the future son-in-law this Thanksgiving. I regret that this holiday is not at my house. I'd like to be there for that one.

Ours will be quiet: Only us, my parents, and Clif's little sister. I miss the big Thanksgiving we all used to have in Syracuse. This is going to take some getting used to.

Alone

2005-11-20T18:27:00.000-05:00

What an interesting weekend.

Clif is in Mississippi scrubbing his grandmothers ceiling. Don't ask it's hurricane related.

I am here in "the hood" alone (with my 38 and Casey). I was fine until tonight. On my way back from an emergency run for tape. Again don't ask it's West Elm related--I'm returning their messed up chair.

Anyway, I saw a very, I repeat, VERY suspicious looking guy at the "drug" house down the street. He looked right at me and did not blink. I don't like that, I usually run over people who do that. But alas he was on the sidewalk and it would have looked bad to go up all the way onto the sidewalk to teach him a lesson. I am just kidding guys. But seriously he did make me nervous, and more so because he later walked by the house and stopped in front for no apparent reason. I again watched him through the window so he knows that I know exactly what he looks like and so does my big, mean ass dog who barked at him.

Then there was the guy on the bike who stopped when I walked out on to the back porch to collect my beer and move the recycling bin.

So my reaction? Stare back, he moved on, but my hackles are up now. I've turned on Pat Benatar's "You Better Run" to boost my courage. Next I'll get into the Marilyn, that should do the trick.

I don't really know if its a drug house, but that's what the lady across the street says. There are a lot of short stops there so who knows. If it is its of the minor kind, not the hard core kind.

Sigh, maybe I'll get some target practice. For once, I hope not. I hate being afraid, I'm not used to this and I don't like it.

I wonder why I let this happen?

Yea

2005-11-16T20:21:00.000-05:00

Yes,

one of my absolutely bestest, bestest friends just passed the New Jersey bar exam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now she can party till she falls sleep ;) And in her oh so tall black boots.

You now who you are congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Swearing in

2005-11-08T21:32:00.000-05:00

Well,

The day is coming. I get sworn in next week. I still think there's been some mistake somewhere.

My cousin, a local judge, is my sponsoring attorney. I think it annoyed my boss that I didn't ask him, but hey it's family and he's really weird about stuff like that anyway.

I'm still feeling my way around the office, particularly him.

Very touchy guy, very SERIOUS--no nonsense kind a guy.

And as you all know, I am not. This is a problem--he causes me lots of stress. I can't tell you how many mornings I've gotten up vomiting from stress-induced nausa. (Jeremy-- no, I'm not the P word don't even say it or I'll curse your new couch)

But I'm doing better. I mostly work on real estate and title work now, not so much appellate or litigation work. I like it--it's like playing detective--especially with some of these rural county courthouses. Deeds are just willy-nily recorded, and "field verify" ...oh, that's a fun one.

Anyway, work is better--some days it's very enjoyable. Most days it's just work.

Otherwise, time is passing. Always passing.

80's music

2005-11-08T21:26:00.000-05:00

So here I am still addicted to 80's music in 2005.

It's hopeless. My current obsession is A-Ha. A happy little 80's band still popular in the rest of the world. Just not here.

They have a new album out with a supposedly scandalous video I can't find online. It's supposedly very explicit. I'm like really? Was it the singer? He's 50 and totally looks just like he did in the 80's... sigh.

You guys all now I have a thing for older men with sexy accents, too. Irish or not.

I miss being young enough to think chances exist ;)

??????

2005-10-17T18:24:00.000-04:00

Who the hell is Dr. Howdy?

Cats

2005-10-17T18:07:00.000-04:00

I think my cats like this house much better than our previous ones. Venus hasn't had a single randum "accident" since we moved in.

She's gone over the edge a few times (haven't we all- metaphorically speaking of course) but no trails through the house or random piles and puddles here an there. Yes, she's my "special" kitty. She has adjustment problems and needs a very patient owner-- and you all thought I didn't have any---Ha.

Now you know where they all go. Well, that and my in-laws, and Clif, ad my family, and well everyone I know with 3 exceptions---now you all get to wonder if your on the list don't you?

I'm in a weird mood. I just came home from work and don't feel really well. Un-boxing my ump-teen million boxes of books got to be too dusty and I have sinus problems now.

But there all here now. All the babies are in their shelves. I love my books--one day I'll own a bookstore and spend all day with books and literate, open-minded people. At least, they'll either be open-minded or I'll throw them out of my store.

Anyway, that's all for now.

Update

2005-10-17T18:01:00.000-04:00

Well,

We are in the new house.

I have passed the Bar Exam in TN. And yes I got drunk--did you really think otherwise?

Relief is here. No more mold, and no more stress of what if I failed.

I even received cookies today from very much missed friend, who I still hope will come down for Thanksgiving. I promised not to let the "rednecks" get her :)

However, another friend left fro Australia last week. She's not comming back because she too passed the Bar Exam. It would have been teh only saving grace of failure--she would have had to come back to Chattanooga. However, I likely would have left for Syracuse, but neither is the case now. Least for a few years.

Its not so bad now that I'm adjusting. I even got taken to lunch today by the other two associates, I almost feel like one of the club. Nevermind that I'm the obnly member without a, well, "member".

Just a brief note on the new house

2005-09-24T19:44:00.000-04:00

We close on the new house this Tuesday. I'll be glad to get out of mold central. Yes, mold. Ick.

The new house is in an interesting neighborhood. Prior to the 60's and 70's it was the nicest neighborhood in town, lots of huge house built by wealthy white attorneys and doctors. Then in the late 60'sand early 70's the city thoght it would easy racial tension by taking the houses and giving them to poor minorities at a great loss to the city.

It eventually turned into the most dangerous place in the city. Then around 2002-03 a couple of very wealthy Atlanta attorneys adn a couple of "alternative lifestyle" couples thought that it was a shame these great old houses were going to hell. They started buying them to live in and slowly turned the neighborhood around (well, it's a work in progress).

Our street is pretty safe. I won't be walking around late at night alone though, and hey, I'm well armed, heavily tattooed (well moderately--I'm working on it), frequently drinking, and almost always angry so I don't really think I need to worry to much ;)

Plus the house has a Harry Potter closet!! And a huge attic and a see through fireplace.

A note on disease

2005-09-03T13:37:00.000-04:00

I'm sure everyone knows about the risks of disease from corpses, and animal waste (yes, I include people in that term). I feel like pointing out though that the diseases being created on the Gulf will not stay on the Gulf.

Even with what's left of my limited microbiology and parasitology knowledge from my BS, I expect huge vicious disease to come out of the stew brewing in those streets right now. It takes very little for an everyday bacteria, virus, or protozoan to mutate into a disease causing form. Everyday flora can become lethal with very little mutation.

People, they won't be confined. Think about how many people are going to come and go in that area over the next months, and even years.

Not that it will help much but please people wash your hands and be careful until we see what is going to come out of the Gulf in the next few years.

Ebola may look like the flu before this is over.

Just a note to get you thinking people.

New Orleans

2005-09-03T13:10:00.000-04:00

I find it necessary to blog about this. I'm very upset so I appologize for the inevitable typos.

While no where near physically effected by the tragedy there, I have been very emotionally affected by it. I have been watching the footage and began seeing the places I spent 10 weeks last summer.

I saw the streets I walked to work on underwater and have been unable to contact the people I worked with there at NOLA. I can't watch anymore. All I do is cry--it is so wrong. This was one of our major cities and with more history than most.
I'm very grateful I did not move there as we talked about, but I still feel a profound sense of loss. The whole city is for all intents and purposes gone. Aside from the death and water, roving bands of hoodlums and criminals are running the streets now. Does anyone else grasp what this means?

There are people praying on people who have just lost everything, and our government is as usual more than a dollar short and day late. People are being robbed, raped, and killed.

A 10 year old girl ( a child people) was raped (they also managed to break both her ankles!) by a gang of men IN the Superdome! The place she was supposed to be safe!!!!

Why did it take a week to get down there, did they get lost on the way? Maybe they took a wrong turn and ended up in Las Vegas? Did they not have maps? Maybe they took a wrong turn and ended up in---oh I don't know another country , continent, maybe -----Iraq?

Should we point out that Cuba was faster to offer a response than our own government? That's a country we have embargos against people. Castro has no reason to offer us help.

We are now the one of the least respected countries in the world. I can't imagine why. We are so quick to help those in other countries that don't need or want our help that we can't take care of our own!

I can't stand listening to Bush "explain". He gave no answer to the questions, just random non-sense. He babbled about Iraq people!!!!!!!!! Why is he talking about that still when thousands of people in his own country (a country he is incharge of) are dying of starvation, disease, and anarchy? Doesn't he understand this just makes him look like he just doesn't care, or maybe he just can't grasp that he has to explain his actions for once.

We are no longer willing (well, some of us never were--but we were out voted) to accept irrelevant drivel as a reasoning for everything from wars to his watching people die when he could easily have had help there the next day.

I heard someone say Bush doesn't care about black people. I think that person is incorrect---Bush just doesn't care about people in general. If they aren't rich enough to contribute to his wealth and position, he doesn't care. I tried thinking of him as an incompetent and not knowing any better, but that just doesn't work. This has just gone too far.

These were and are good people, poor yes (in some cases smelly on a good probably), but they don't deserve to be left to die.

I have to side with the Mayor, the government needs to GET OFF ITS ASS and get down there! What they sent yesterday is not going to be enough.

I think I'm just incurably fickle.

2005-08-28T13:21:00.000-04:00

I have more questions for the masses. Well, the two people who actually read this with any regularity.

Why is it that I spent two years trying to get out of Syracuse, and now I plan on spending 5 trying to get back? I look around down here and frankly I'm scared. I had forgotten that most people here consider reading a strange pasttime. Even those you would think relatively intelligent: attorneys, teachers, architects. I could keep going, but I think you get the point.

I feel like the last reader on the planet down here. I once heard a story from a guy who was in a Waffle House reading and having coffee. He said the waitress asked him, "What'ya doing?" He replied reading. Her response was "What'ya doing that for?" It completely perplexed her that he was reading for no other reason than to read.

I now know how he felt.

Is it bad to already be planning a December or January long weekend trip back? To refuse to keep my house on the market now that the "jolly giant" backed out for fear he would go through the floor? To pine away for the view from my sunroom or front door? To long to get a good beer and fish and chips? Irish music? Used book stores?

I plan on renting my house now. I've spoken to a rental company and Clif will be showing them the house this week so they can give a rental estimate on how much they can get out of it. They already told us they think they can get the house to pay for itself.

Am I just fickle? Yes, I already know the answer to that. Why doesn't anyone ever try to stop me from doing these things. Okay, well one person tried to reason with me, but I was blinded by money. Still am really.

I still wouldn't be happy with my job prospects there, I would likely have to leave the legal field behind. Litigation is still not my thing. I enjoy writing the Briefs and papers, but don't send me to court. It shortens my life span.

Here I can safely stay out of court and work in real estate and transactional "stuff".

But I do miss the fact that the days are getting cooler there, and that soon pumkin farms will be opening, then the first signs of real Christmas festivities. Here it is all Christian based, and if you try to suggest teh holiday might have other more pagan beginnings you will be burned at the stake at an impromptou town gathering of the Spanish Inquistion.

My Wiccan side is deeply in hiding at the moment. I did reclaim my red hair yesterday though, I'm just inherently uncomfortable as a blond. It did go true blond again though.

Hopefully, it will not be a big deal where I work, but I have no guarantee of that.

I also miss the free festivals all summer long. Here they charge at least $20 per person per day for all festivals or events. Plus there are no ethnic festivals of any kind really. I went to the Cultural festival last weekend. It was mostly one group of Chinese participants and one guy in a kilt (more power to him). A couple of Indian groups had booths, but not much else.

I truly miss my Irish and German festivals. Not to mention the Highland games.

I did go see Wolfsong friday at a free concert here. That was amazing. Six very nice Scottish guys on one stage. (Goddess give me strength)

My friend and I went in together on one of their CDs and then managed to get it signed by all six. Now we get to fight over who gets it when she moves to Australia.

Oh well, live and learn. Maybe the Goddess is trying to teach me the value of humility, one more time. I'm a hard-headed learner when it comes to these "life lessons" of hers.

Time

2005-08-27T19:22:00.000-04:00

Isn't it funny how fast time passes?

Does antone else ever just think: wow, law school is over? The Bar exam is over?

I now have to be an attorney. We're not playing student attorney anymore.

By the way, so much for not working 50-60 hour weeks. Yes, it will happen to you.
Don't get me wrong, I'm getting tons of experience and I like my job. It just calls for long hours. Lots of client "emergencies".

Ah, werewolves, houses, and stuff

2005-08-16T18:04:00.000-04:00

It's true. The secrret is out.

I do prefer wolves to vampires. Not that I'm knocking the blood drinkers, but everyone has a preference.

Personally if it involved eternal life, I'd go either way, but again, preferences people.

Aside from Anita Blake there really don't seemm to be any good werewolve novels out there anymore. Or maybe I just haven't found them?

I think our house is selling. We have a serious offer finally from the jolly giant dude. I'm being nice, I don't think he's very tall or very happy. He seems to enjoy trying to jerk people around.

I was having none of it.

He doesn't deserve my house, and it bothers me to sell it to him. To all my old neighbors, I am sorry. But he's the only real offer. To my house, I'm really really sorry, I wanted to come back,, but Clif and Jen wouldn't let me.

I look for him to have many issues at closing, to which I say "Talk to my lawyer"----I've always wanted to say that :)

Anyway, I like my lawyer, he's a former professor of mine. I thoroughly enjoyed his classes, even the people who clearly did not read the class discription before signing up were entertaining.

They were very open classes with no judgment, well okay some judgment, but you had to really deserve it. You people know who you are out there.

Friendship

2005-08-13T21:05:00.000-04:00

I feel very blessed with friendship right now.

I have so many people who have called now that the bar exam is over that I can't seem to return all the calls.

I owe a very, very good friend a call and simply haven't had time aside from work and house hunting to get back to her. She's even brave enough to want to come for a visit.

I've talked to very few people since the exam. I need to set aside a day for calls. Plus one of my friends is in town from Italy. We had lost touch and I didn't think I would see her again, or hear from her but here she is. Diana is kinda like that, she pops up when you are least expecting it.

I did speak with Jeremy, but I still owe him another call since we got interrupted.

The list goes on and on. When you add in the fact that I'm not really a telephone fanatic, it begins to explain the lack of initive on my part.

On a side note, we went to a gym today. It was one Clif goes to all the time. It's 50 cents to get in, and in a poorer part of downtown. Interesting group of people. A group of small men laughed at the little blond on the weight equipment. They stopped once I got started though. Hard to laugh at a woman who lifts more than you do, I'm only guessing of course. They were small, seriously shorter than me. Just imagine;)

All I could think about was how much fun Jeremy and I would have had if he had been there. I had so many comments to make that Clif simply would not have appreciated. Alas I laughed in my own head instead of out loud.

Hurray, Clif has work!

2005-08-10T20:10:00.000-04:00

My Clifton is returning to the working world tomorrow.

He is going back to his old firm for slightly higher pay. I'm trying to get him to do only 4 days a week so he can still have time off. Just the 4 days a week significantly decreases our money issues.

He enjoys working with these people, too. Besides he was already getting bored being a house husband--only slightly though.

Interesting quote

2005-08-07T11:25:00.000-04:00

This is a quote from the Seaside Repertory Theater that I just love:

"Mom looked a witch in the face one day, and now we're all fucked!"

Post bar

2005-08-07T11:15:00.000-04:00

I have spent the last week drinking myself into oblivion and laying on a somewhat sunny beach in Florida.

I feel strange now that I'm back in Tennessee again. It's such a relief that its over, but I have no doubt I will be facing NY either in Feb or next July. At the lastest in 2-3 years when my contract is up. But for now its over.

We are thinking of yanking the Syracuse house off the market and just renting it. It doesn't seem to be selling, mostly because of my unique paint choices according to our realtor and because of her inability to have given us the only tow offers we have had. Yet I feel compelled to say the Goddess works in strange ways and maybe she is pushing me again to go back.

Hopnestly people it wouldn't take much right now. I nearly cried all the way back yesterday, I did not want to be returning here. I wanted to go home, but home no longer exists according to Clif.

I think we are going to just rent here for awhile and see what happens. I may have to give up gardening but we al make sacrifices.

harry potter, bar exams, and frustration

2005-07-23T15:10:00.000-04:00

WARNING: Clif if you will be easily offended stop reading now!

Why did I do this to myself?

I'm so tired I can't even concentrate anymore. It takes actual effort to focus on every problem, and if I don't-- well my scores aren't pretty. I went from "pretty good" to "Oh God, I'm going to fail this thing."

I need this Thursday to be OVER! I need to drink my weight in vodka or whiskey, or ANYTHING.

Plus, I'm tired of seeing what I can't have and I don't like what I can have. It pisses me off. I had a truly amazing house and all I can get here is CRAP. (If it's not Scottish, It's crap! ----Sorry I had a Saturday Night Live flash back)

I see houses just out of my price range that I just can't afford. My old house won't sell, and my realtor is not helping. She doesn't realize I need that money for a down payment. If I had that or at least knew how much I was going to have, this search could be so much less stressful. Right now I'm just pissed off.

My normally high aggression level is climbing way out of control. I want someone to bleed, or at least hurt. I have no weights to take my aggression out on. I don't even have a gym membership down here, all I have is running (usually from rabid dogs with missing eyes).

Plus Clif keeps wanting to look for houses in areas I don't want to live. I need to be near something, not in a "subdivision" discuised as "downtown". Plus I don't want to be killed by drug dealers, or raped, or home invaded, should I keep going? I want nice neighbors like I had in Syracuse. (Preferably youngish and intelligent, with all their teeth.)

At least I finally got my hair cut right so that's a relief. I had way too much hair going on, it had been 6 weeks. I found my old stylist. He has his own place now in the very nice Frazier avenue area.

I did get a suprise present today from my very beloved, surrogate sister. I do so like suprise gifts, and she has a knack for it. I miss her very badly. Maybe someday I'll make it back to San Francisco, but I think more likely I'm UK bound. (Cross my fingers and hope).

I'm generally avoiding all books stores and anyone who looks like they might be a Harry Poter fan. My resolve is faltering and it won't take much for me to cave. I need to know that it isn't Remus.
I don't think I could handle it.

Harry Potter

2005-07-16T12:01:00.000-04:00

Okay, this is crazy.

I can't escape. Someone dies. I need to know who, but I can't know until I can read the book. Oh my lord and lady, I hope it isn't Remus. I feel relativaly safe it isn't if its a major character.

But the suspense is killing me. I thought a major character already died people---Serious Black.

I can't take this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HARRY POTTER

2005-07-15T21:06:00.000-04:00

Harry Potter
Harry Potter
Harry Potter
Harry Potter
Harry Potter
Harry Potter
Harry Potter
Harry Potter
Harry Potter
Harry Potter
Harry POtter
Harry Potter
Harry Potter
Harry Potter
Harry Potter

Can you say obsessed?

I need this book. I must read the next book. NOW!!!!!!!!!!

I can't have this book until July 28th. I hate the Bar exam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Harry Potter
Harry Potter
Harry Potter
Harry Potter
Harry Potter
Harry Potter
Harry Potter
Harry Potter
Harry Potter

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friends

2005-07-10T17:44:00.000-04:00

Isn't it strange that the people you think you'll keep in touch with drift away, but you get suprised by those who make an effort to stay in touch. I got a suprise phone call today from someone I really didn't expect to hear from again.

It was nice and made me smile. Those are in short supply right now.

So if you read this, thank you.

UUUHHHHHGGGGGGGG

2005-07-10T17:29:00.000-04:00

Let me just say the bar exam sucks!!!!!!!!! WHY DO THEY DO THIS TO US? ISN'T IT ENOUGHT THAT WE SURVIVED 3 YEARS OF LAW SCHOOL?

People in my Barbri class are cracking. The three days of PMBR have just been too much for us.

We have two weeks and I feel very not ready. I'm already wondering what I'll do if I fail. I have two tries, but sometimes drastic circumstances create drastic changes. Maybe I'll up end everyone and go back to Syracuse. I still really want to. I think about it everyday, sometimes all day (on and off).

I've written the reality of it off though. Maybe in 5 years or so, but not now. And by then my house will be gone. Someone else will be comforted by its loving walls and gurgling jaccuzi.

I've tried to shut up about my urge because I know I must be driving Jen (co-SU student) crazy. She has refused to let me leave, but she's mvoing to Australia after the Bar so she can't really talk.

There are all kinds of house-selling and buying issues. I can't keep up, I ignore them. At least until after the exam.

Clif ran the Boiler Maker today. I'm sure he did great. I imagine he's collapsing right about now though. I still marvel at a race where the runners get free bear afterwards. I don't get the logic. Let's all get dehydrated and then get drunk?

Maybe its a Syracuse summer thing. I don't know.

Happiness is having bunnies.

2005-06-19T15:46:00.000-04:00

Have I mentioned I have bunnies in the back yard.

I love rabbits. It started with Watership Down, and I've never gotten over it. Now mind you the British cartoon of the book, is really messed up. And I think explains alot about British children, even I wouldn't advise showing it to a small child unless you also believe in giving LSD to small children. It's very psychidelic.

Very wasted Beatles kind of vibe.

Anyway, I have been feeding my bunnies leftover lettuces. There all brown with fluffy little white tails.

I just love them. I want to take them with me when I leave.

I find myself just saying BUUUNNYY when I see one. Sort of like that character in Nightmare Before Christmas when he sees the easter bunny.

Yes as previously mentioned, I'm probably a geek so never mind.

Yes, I'm an adult and yes, your advice was bad.

2005-06-19T15:13:00.000-04:00

Does anyone else out there occassionally wonder why it is that everyone else in your life is absolutely certain they know what's best for you?

It is really awful when you finally have to make it obvious to your family that yes you grew up, and yes, you can now do things yourself and make reasonable decisions without the input of your parents. Then there's the big kicker: they may not know what is best for you anymore. You may be a completely different person for the one they knew and from who they are.

Now I have found myself in an ackward position. I accepted a very curteous offer from a "family friend", and I am now paying the price for it.

While, granted I have been very blunt about the problems with this apartment/house (whatever), I have also not been fully forthcoming about the drawbacks. I never said I was a quiet sufferer. Everyone who knows me knows if I'm unhappy every body is going to know it. It's the way I am. I'm open and mouthy, some find it endearing, others don't.

Yet I am still made to feel guilty about not beign overjoyed and happy about fake wood paneling, no bath tube, no privacy, 2 (count'em 2 packs) of diseased dogs with a serious grudge against runners. One even has a missing eye. No, it's not been stitched up, its just missing. Go figure.

Then there's the gate opening kid across the street. We've had one "accident" already. The girls were going on a little vacation thanks to that "lovely, happy, pleasant" little child.

The there's the neighbor who doesn't understand that: "(1) No, I'm married and I won't go anywhere with you, and (2) No, a week later I still don't want to socialize with you." "I don't care if it's date or not. I'm married, Go Away!"

Now, yes, he seems like a very nice person but I'm really not in a social mood. if I'm going to make any new friends in the next 6 weeks, they need to seriously have things in common with me, and I don't think this guy does. I may be wrong, but I don't have time to find out right now.

Yes, for those of you thinking I'm harsh, your right, I am. My niceties are being reserved for those who need them right now: my parents, Clif, Clif's sister, etc. I have a severly limited supply at the moment.

And I'm realizing I have enough friends and others in my life with whom I do not have anything in common.

I'm not a real socially, outgoing woman, I like to be left alone. If I want to be your friend I'll let you know. Otherwise just let it go. Waive be polite, but otherwise just stop. One of my best friends had to pretty much beat me over the head with friendship before I gave in.

That's not going to work for this guy.

I need to just be left alone to be cranky and anti-social, and everyone else should stop making me feel guilty about it. the girls and I are doing the best we can with what we've got.

Pit Bulls, poodles, and the same old argument

2005-06-11T10:54:00.000-04:00

Sit down people, I'm getting on my soap box and we're going to be here a while.

At the end of this post is an article that appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle. You should all read the article whether you agree with me or not, and judge for yourself (with your own common sense) whether you think he's right.

Point one:

Let me start by saying, yes everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

This wil be massively unpopular, but here's the thing. Can we ban animal killing children? Lock them up for psychiatric evauluation? Even punished? Can we fine the parents? How about zoning for people with animal hurting children? Can we even force the parents to get them help? No, No, No, No, and NO.

Anyone who has had to help euthanize a cat because the owner's grandchildren tied rubber bands around it's paws and left them their til the feet ROTTED OFF!!!!!!!!! feels differently.

How about the golden retriever puppy who had to be euthanized because some neighborhood KIDS feed it battery acid? It's lower jaw was eaten away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But back to my point:

Now yes pit bulls were bred as a killing machine. The are not like rottweilers who were originally a sheparding breed, or dobermans who were meant specifically as guard dogs.

Pit bulls are hunters meantto bring down large game. They have jaw power like no other breed. And yes he's right, they don't stop. They kill what they bite. It is a bred reaction for them.

And in my opinion are more dangerous than most other breeds, I met too many as a vet tech to not feel their dangerous.

But so are boxers in my opinion, and great danes, poodles, terriers, and my lord and lady, chihuahuas. Those are just nasty little dogs if your not the owner.

However, that's my opinion, and by no means a conclusive fact. I still hold that all of those breeds can be "safe" under the right circumstances. To say that by having a pit bull in your house you are recklessly endangering your family is out of line.

That statement is entirely too conclusive and a broad generalization.

Nor do I feel we should attack the parents every time something happens. However if you leave these breeds alone things may and likely will happen. Children are not safe with any type of dog. Children get carried away and accidentally ( and yes sometimes on purpose) cause an animal pain.

If they hurt an animal it reacts the only way it can.

Next point:

You can not say you are entitled to judge something without allowing for some objective criteria. You can't just say lets evaulate all dogs that look like a certain breed. I wonder if this author knows how many breeds resemble the pit bull, because you can have a mix that looks exactly like a pit bull and won't have a drop of the breed in them.

At Westminster, those dogs have certified blood lines. There is no undocumented dog allowed. They do not use general breed characteristic there to determine who is a pit bull, they use the bood line documentation. I fail to see how that supports his claim that "we don't have to be scietific".

Yes, you do. Am I the only one who sees the door this could open?

Also, anyone who owns a rottweiller or doberman already pays two to three times more for home and renters insurance than someone with a standard poodle. Like it or not the poodle will bite faster.

It's just that no one wants to admit, "Yeah, I got nailed by the 60 lb fluffy white standard poodle next door".

Okay, I'm done now.

Article:

CW Nevius

We need tough laws on pit bulls

C.W. Nevius
Saturday, June 11, 2005

When a tragedy like last week's mauling death of Nicholas Faibish happens, there is always an uproar. The fact that Nicholas was only 12 and killed by his family's pit bull makes the outcry even louder.

Something, everyone says, must be done.

But what?

Ban pit bulls? Legal experts in San Francisco said it isn't possible. California is among 12 states that prohibit what pit bull advocates call BSL, or "breed specific legislation.''

Denver assistant city attorney Kory Nelson says that may not matter, and suggests San Francisco give a ban a try. He helped draft Denver's pit bull ban, which the Denver District Court upheld last month, despite the fact that Colorado law does not permit BSL.

"I've read your state law,'' says Nelson, who has sent San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom a letter offering his help. "And I don't think it is that much different from what we had. My point is, if a municipality can't determine what kind of animals it wants, why have a municipality?''

But others think an outright ban might be too much, and in the Bay Area, it might be. In Denver, the authorities will come to your house and confiscate your pit bull unless you prove you have someplace safe to send it. That's pretty hard to imagine happening here.

However, there are some other effective ideas for safeguarding the public against a breed that all but the most ardent apologists admit is unpredictable at best and dangerous at worst. Certainly, they would be more effective than the current precautions, which can be summed up as, "Be careful, and best of luck."

But first, let's dispense with any notion that pit bulls may bite, like any other dog, but are no more dangerous than, say, a German shepherd.

Dr. James Betts, chief of trauma surgery at Children's Hospital Oakland, operated on Shawn Jones, who was 10 when three pit bulls dragged him from his bike in Richmond and mauled him four years ago this month. He's seen cases where a single, crushing bite from a pit bull has "taken out the whole side of the face.'' Betts says the hospital treats 100 bite cases each year, and he's passionate about the perils of pit bulls.

"I think,'' Betts says, "if you have a dog like that in your house, you are recklessly endangering your family. For people to say, 'That is not going to happen to me' is to pretty much put the blinders on.''

Betts says a pit bull can exert as much as 1,200 pounds per square inch of pressure with its jaws, while that of a German shepherd is more like 200.

"That kind of grip,'' Betts says, "is enough to fracture your femur, the largest bone in your body.''

The pit bull apologists, Nelson says, like to say "judge the deed, not the breed.'' But he thinks that kind of logic is like saying "there is no such thing as a bad kid."

"Look,'' Nelson says, "nobody can prove one dog is more likely than another to go off. The difference is, should a pit bull attack a person, they are much more likely to inflict serious injuries.''

If local communities do not want to ban pit bulls, Nelson says, there are other suggestions. First and foremost, breeding permits should be closely regulated and hard to get. Pit bulls without one should be neutered or spayed. That will help stop backyard breeding from filling animal shelters.

Owners, Nelson says, should be required to show proof of liability insurance and be held responsible for the dog. But watch out for pit bull advocates who will insist that laws should "blame the owner, not the dog."

"How,'' asks Nelson, "do you define an irresponsible dog owner? It is someone who owns a dog that attacked someone. So you can only call them irresponsible after the fact?''

Precautions must be taken before there is a serious attack. For example, Nelson suggests pit bull owners post warning signs in both English and Spanish outside their homes. In addition, the owner should not only have a barrier that will keep the dogs in, but also keep children out. (Denver had a sad case of a child who was mauled by a dog that was chained in its yard.)

The general idea is simple -- you can own a pit bull, but it is going to cost you. If you want one, there will be expensive insurance to buy and strict liability for any violent acts. Nelson also suggests requiring microchip identification for all pit bulls and perhaps a run through the American Kennel Club's "Good Citizen'' behavior test.

Of course, the pit bull lobby will howl that it is impossible to tell what a pit bull is. Do you count only purebreds? Mixed breeds? Dogs that may look like a pit bull?

"My response,'' says Nelson, "is that they do it at the Westminster dog show every year. Our feeling is that (if) it meets the majority of the standard characteristics," it is a pit bull. "We don't have to be scientific.''

Is all this really necessary? Isn't it possible the pit bull concern is overblown? Not to someone who has dealt with the outcome of the attacks on a regular basis.

"These dogs have the capacity to be a lethal, deadly force,'' Betts says. "These dogs don't stop. They will grab and hold on. People say, 'But you see the worst. You can't judge.'

"But you know what? I believe I can."

C.W. Nevius' column appears Tuesday and Saturday in the Bay Area section and on Fridays in East Bay Life. E-mail him at cwnevius@sfchronicle.com.

Page B - 1

Syracuse

2005-06-10T19:27:00.000-04:00

Well,

I'm less homesick now. I'm pretty much to busy to be homesick.

I still get upset when I here someone talk about Kitty Hoynes, Dinosuar, or any number of places I love and may never see again.

But that's life right. We grow and we move on to the next stage, phase, challenge, etc. Even if it means leaving the best barb-b-que on the east coast and an awesome house with great neighbors.

Here I have the best ice cream on the east coast and a truly great organic nature foods store. Not to mention two very good doctors for my pom pom. Since I used to work with them, they know I'm crazy and psychotic over my pom pom so no suprises.

Also I have the Tennessee River which is very calming when you sit on the walking bridge adn listen to the sound. It's a good place to go and sit and think about how you will pass the bar.

Bar bri is getting so weird. they tell use ot study all the time and then tell us to take a break. Then they tell us to study again. People get your story straight.

Maybe because I began preping for NY this seems silly, but down here attorney I know of actually took the bar seriously. Most say they didn't even study during the day.

They make me feel like a nerd. Well, no, I make me feel like a nerd. This is just outside re-enforcement.

I think anyone who watches as much Highlander as I do qualifies for nerdhood. And then there's the huge crush on Nightcrawler (yes the blue, prehensile tailed X-man).

Really, what woman doesn't dream of an extra prehensile appendage?

Come on admit it.

creepy

2005-06-10T19:26:00.000-04:00

Looking through a peep hole is creepy. Regardless of direction.

Just a thought.

Pomeranians, bath time, and cloning

2005-06-05T19:26:00.000-04:00

I thought I would share the fact that my darling Hera is writhing around on the floor. She just got bathed so now she's acting like a mad woman and rolling around on the floor trying to dry herself.

It's rather warm here today (89) and she seemed to be unhappy with the heat, and also in need of a bath so she got one.

I haven't tried bathing her in a sink in quite a while. Back home we had a sprayer in the shower so she just got bathed with me. Here we have on a sink sprayer, and with all that pom pom hair it is absolutely necessary to have a sprayer to get the soap out. It worked fine except she's a larger pom pom so she didn't really fit in the divided sink. Water went everywhere, but I moppped it up.

Well, she isn't hot anymore. In fact, she liked the cool water on her tummy, just not the soap part. She really won't like all the brushing later either. She's a good girl though. She just looks at me like, "Why are you doing this to me? What have I ever done to you?".

She's so funny. You see how small she really is when you wet down all the hair. She's just this tiny little puppy with all that hair. I love her so.

I can't imagine my life without her. My friends think I'm crazy, but I fully plan on having her cloned. I get a lecture every time the subject comes up.

Even is it isn't he same dog, I'll still have Hera II. Now I just have to sell my organs to come up with $50K.

First day jitters

2005-06-01T17:34:00.000-04:00

Don't you just love first days at a new job.

It starts off all exciting and happy, and then the reality sets in that you have no idea what to expect. And better yet, what do they expect from you?

I just had my second day at work. Noticably better than the first day at work. Yesterday I was basically in a panic since the first thing they did was hand me a 500+ record on appeal and tell me to write the appellate brief.

That will stop you in your tracks. Bearing in mind I'm ony there 3 days a week for half days.

But today I was told this was a learning experience (gotta love those).

My new boss is actually sort of nice. I think I will like working with him. He made feel a lot better about the brief and I now think this will not be so traumatizing after all.

Yet I still feel awfully strange about being the only female attorney. But hey it's a start.

By the way I apologize for all the typos in my entries, but I haven't found the spell check yet and I'm notoriously bad at proof reading. Did I mention I'm bad about creating run- on sentences?

The luxury of hot water

2005-05-29T11:35:00.000-04:00

Let me start by saying I have not had a hot shower in a week. I have had 2 "warm" showers that lasted 3 minutes. The rest have been luke warm or flat out cold. Now this is fine if you go for a 3 mile run before all showers.

However, if you don't it gets annoying real quick.

Some how I went from having a gas hot water heater that can take your skin off and a whirlpool tube to cold showers with no tub at all.

For a marathon bather like me this is unacceptable.

Now for the real problem, I'm not paying rent here, so I can't really complain about a little lack of ,oh, hot water.

This folks is why I do not like accepting anything free. There is always a catch and you can get screwed so easily. If I had been left alone to get an apartment in North Chattanooga, I would have hot water. That is the last time I get guilt tripped into saving money.

If I didn't I could b%&^$ about it and demand it be fixed. But no I had to give in and agree to save money, yet all those people who told me I would be wasting money on an apartment have hot water.

One in particular even has my whirlpool.

If the house had gas service, I would be tempted to just buy a new hot water heater and take it with me when I move. But alas the gas is not hooked up.

This is not the proper way to study for the bar exam.

Everyone reading this go take a hot shower right now, for me, and think about teh luxury of hot water.

Barbri

2005-05-27T10:58:00.000-04:00

This video taped lecture stuff is most unpleasant. I'm already finding myself wanting to duck out at 8 p.m. rather than wait to finish at 9 p.m.

Yes, I get to go from 5 to 9 at night. The always coveted night Barbri class.

Let me tell you, this is going to get annoying real quick. I get to sit in a heavily airconditioned (roughly 50 degrees) room for 4 hours a night with video tape cracking silly jokes at me.

Two things occer to me at that point:

1. Why would I have come 900 miles to avoid 50 degree summers only to sit in a 50 degree room? It's summer people, it's suppose to be hot.

2. How many bad puns can I take before I become violent toward the VCR? Where is this guy and how can I stop him from taping again?

The good news is there is someone I know(and actually like)in the classes with me. It's always a relief not to be the lone friendless person in a group of strange southerners. They attack easily:)

I can also already feel myself finding lots of other things to do besides my practice questions. This will become more of a problem once work starts.

But for right now my Pom Pom is keeping me on task because she doesn't want me to leave the house. She feels threatened by the lack of parental or cat supervision I think.

Hewr older sister is doing fine now. She's busy rolling around in the yard and getting to sleep on the bed. She makes a good cuddler.

Well, back to the practice questions.

New apartment

2005-05-24T22:08:00.000-04:00

Well,

Here I am in my "new rental" house having the first beer, I'm out of whiskey. Okay well the second beer, but its the first "beer" night. Actually it is the first night period.

I guess the house is not so bad. I have the bedroom and the kitchen outfitted, and now they don't lookso bad. I just really hate faux wood paneling. I can't imagine what makes someone want to suck all the light out of a house by covering the walls with dark, wood colored veneer.

Oh well, no accounting for personal taste.

I have your basic police search lights in the back to light up the parking area. Otherwise I would so not be parking there.

Can we say rape?

Its a very dark area with woods immediately in front. I have no intention of being dragged back there by some hairy redneck for a "good time".

I'd rather take my chances with street parking "THE BUG".

Plus I now have my always loved .38 back. I missed my gun, all women should be well armed. And if I might steal a line from one of my favorite books, "Everyone down here is well armed and drunk."

There is no better feeling of security than to know that if someone with less than pure intentions comes in your house in the middle of the night ( and I have the nifty Hera alarms system to let me know), you can stop them in their tracks (literally, they fall backwards).

But as always the police frown on that, not so much down here as in the north, but still its not looked on favorably.

Anyway, reality calls.

Later.

New jobs, new apartments and Tennessee

2005-05-22T22:36:00.000-04:00

Just a brief update.

Well, I have arrived in one piece with puppies and various suits. I have seen the rental house. Once again I find myself asking why I trust random people to be accurate in their descriptions of property. But hey it's not with my parents, and there are no terrier sized cockroaches, right?

Now on to real issues: New jobs are very stressful. I find myself dreading the Bar prep and "adjustment" period of the new job. I am way out of my comfort level here. As are all us recent graduates from that lovely adventure called law school.

I love my fellow southerners we're such an entertaining bunch of characters. I knew was back in Tennessee when I woke up from the passenger seat at a gas station to look over and see a guy with a shirt that, shall we say was far from covering his formidable stomach, and using the word "ya'll".

My accent is already returning, and only one person has given me the narrowed eye "look" while asking "where are you from exactly?" Then there is the follow up of "Well, you're back here now. That's what matters." As though there is something wrong with wanting to get away from the place your born in. Why would anyone want to see any other part of the world? Just doesn't phase them there's a wide world full of interesting places. Mostly annoying people, but interesting places none the less.

Okay, here I am.

2005-05-20T18:19:00.000-04:00

I keep being dragged kicking and screaming into the technology generation. Hope your happy you two. You know who you are.

I shall endevor to post my harrowing adventures from the south, but names adn details will be changed to protect the innocent.