Stress and home protection.

The Syracuse house appears to be closing.

I am still trying ot be brave. But I can't get over the fact that this means I'll never go back through that door and collapse onto the goofy blue couch and feel the weight lift off like I did when I came back from New Orleans. It was like I could relax for the first time in months. Here I feel the same way. I can't find my path and I can't relax. Everywhere there is a reason to stress.

Here's an example. (You will most likely not like this speech if you are a touchy feely person...I already knwo I'm a bad person. Clif lets me know that regularly.)

My Clif has once again befriended a semi-homeless drunk guy. He gave him money once and then had him doing odd jobs around the house. The outside of the house. He's terrified of Casey, and I don't like or trust him. I've told Clif that if he ever lets him close to Casey so that thinks he's a friend I will kill them both.

Well, that was fine. he made a couple of inappropriate comments, but I can deal with that. Then he was peaking in the window at 9:30 at night. Oh no, we are not having that shit! I sent Clif out to "deal" with the situation. Yeah right. He told him to come back the next day and not do it again. The guy claimed he was afraid the of the dogs and didn't want to knock, but wanted to get Clif's attention. So he stood outside the window looking in and waving. Not cool, sooooo not cool.

The next day he appologized to me...he caught me outside and I couldn't get in withotu beign flat out rude. Said he thought about it later and realized I might have a gun ro call 911. Damn right I have a gun and will I use it if you come in my house uninvited. Then I'll call 911.

But alas he showed up a few nights ago again..at around 9:30. Again not cool, sooo not cool. He seemed drunk or high. Asked for money, and low and behold...Clif did not give him any. I was standing in the living room ready to hit both of them with a large and heavy object should Clif move for his wallet.

Then the next day the guy claimed to not remember coming by. I think that goes with being a junkie, I have a family member with alot of experince in not remembering anything. This also concerns me because Clif has been down this path before...helping a guy out and getting robbed for it. I will not allow myself and Hera to be placed at risk so Clif can feel like a better person.

I am all for helping out those in need, but I draw the line at people who come to my house drunk, high or begging. Do not approach me at my home and stay the hell away from my windows at night if you do not want me to call 911. I will not ask questions first and I do not forgive and forget (Wiccan or not...I will remember and I will hold it against you).

I now have to worry about this guy breaking in when he's out of cash and needs a fix. He knows we have money and when we're likely to be gone. I worry daily now about Hera's safety when I'm not here. If he comes in when I'm not home he could steal her or kill her or let her out and she has no fear of cars----she'll die. I will not live without my Hera. I wil protect her at all costs people and if that means being rude ot homeless people so be it. If it measn calling 911 on this guy so be it. Clif can pitch all the fits he wants. And if it is that much a problem for him to think of our safety we have a much bigger issue.

This is a small town but that does not mean everyone is a nice, honest person. Junkies are junkies and not everyone who is homeless and down on their luck is a good guy.

As Clif said it isn't his house, he doesn't pay the bill.

So I have contacted a home security company and I'm getting a third deadbolt and chain. Alas I don't know what else to do.