I think this will work again.

Okay, now that I have fixed the access problems I will try to take up this blog again.

But not right now. My hands are entirely too cold to type.

Canons Jasmine

Well,

I have purchased a horse. A 13 year old grey straight egyptian arabian named Canons Jasmine.

She is beautiful and full of spunk and sarcasm ...just like me.

This is the fulfillment of a 10 year dream.

Yeah for me.

Damn, just damn.

I haven't posted much because my personal computer can't access the site anymore and I have to do this from work. But today I really need some therapy.

What really kills me about "Christians" (or at least a certain type) is that they will preach hell fire and brimstone at you non-stop, but turn around and do something cruel without a second thought. (As long as they "technically" don't cross the "big 10".)

Just because they never "technically" lied (they just omitted) its all okay that they rip out your heart and shit on it.

Wrong is still wrong. There is a greater concept of right and wrong that they seem to miss alot of the time. It is not okay to let someone go all along under a mistaken idea that they can have something and let them get attached and more attached and even more attached and to say "well i think I may have found a good owner for __________ after all.", but all the while you know you've already sold that damn horse. He was milking me for my riding fee all the while knowing the only reason I was going up there was to see that particular horse. Not to here his preaching, or put up with that brat of a kid and her foul pony. But I put up with it, I covered my tattoos to be nice since he asked me, I even bit my tongue more times than I can count when launched into his routine. And what did it get me? Crying, that's what. Heartache, and pain.

Maybe I do get too attached too quickly, but damn it he f'ing knew that. It is a part of who I am and I will not apologize for it. But I damn well will not ride another horse without a price tag first. A number and a sure thing.

Friends

I just got an imprompto text from a friend of mine I haven't spoken to in a while. She just wanted to let me know she was thinking of me. It made me smile on a particularly stressful day.

I also got a call late last night from another friend trying to find out when I was going on vacation so that she could plan her trip so as not to miss me while she was in town.

I feel very lucky to have some very good friends. Nothing can be that bad if there are people out there that care about you.

Did it work?

Okay, lets try this again.

The last three blogs I've written somehow never made it to the blog and were deleted.

Damn, computer Gnomes.

As most already know. I went to see my wonderfully calm friend Jeremy last weekend. It was so nice to be able to cachup adn just hang out for a while.

I hadn't realized how much I'd missed his sense of humor. He like me has a tendency to get kind of silly (even without alcohol). It was also nice to see two people in a health adult relationship that didn't involve fighting all the time. They pick at each other yes, but their really just playing.
All in all I think Jeremy and Brian have one of the healthiest relationships of all the people I know. It makes me happy for Jeremy because he really deserves to be happy and loved.

Seeing them helped my resolve to stop the pointless nitpicking with Clif.
I've been on a roll lately. The poor guy can't win for losing with me sometimes.

Anyway, we had fun. it was nice to get away for a little while. We went to a show, walked around Centeral Park, and went to Coney Island...not what I expected. It was like a carnival without the nasty clowns.

Anyway, this is the test blog. More later if this works.

Not much going on here

Okay. I have finally gotten this to work again.

My computer is slowly dying and I haven't been able to get onto my blog in several weeks now, and I'm not comfortable blogging from work. Who knows what might come out of me and who might be snooping on the server.

Work is okay..there's too much and we're all working serious hours again, but it's tolerable.

I've just kind of withdrawn from society for a little while. I haven't felt up to playing nicely with everyone so I've stayed home for the last few weeks. I think the neighbors are beginning to think I'm standoffish (which I am, but its not personal...I just get overwhelmed by obligations). I begin to feel trapped.

But next month I get to go see my wonderful friends Jeremy and Brian in a real city. Coincidently Jeremy has no idea that he has a following down here. My mother and my friend John both think Jeremy is very handsome. John has even taken to reading Jeremy's blog. I think this is sweet.

Clif has bought a house to refinish and rent or sale. I think this is the beginning of his "business". He wants to begin renovating houses and rent/selling them (essentially working for hisself). I think this is a good move for him, but its a little stressful for me as I now feel trapped here. Too many connections and roots. I'd have to break out the chainsaw to get out.

3?, no I'm 32 and it doesn't really bother me who knows

Another birthday come and gone.

I really am starting to believe that time is speeding up and we are all trapped in some sci-fi movie where time is unexplainable speeding out of control.

Anyway, I had a very nice birthday. Clif made his crab souffle, which I LOVE by the way. It is my favorite dish of his and one of my favorite in general. However, we have to use the artificial crab meat now that my shellfish allergy has decided I am allergic to crab also. This sucks because I love crab cakes.

I still get a little funky even with the artificial because it had around 2% crab meat in it, but it's worth it. My parents came by and then some friends dropped by. One of my friends brought me a bamboo plant...I've seen these before and been sorely tempted to buy one. I was very excited to get one. They fascinate me. Don't know why and clearly it doesn't take much to fascinate me.

Also had a bit of an issue/fight over Clif's family and his need to tell me everything they say about me/us, but that will be another blog. One for adults only because I'm going to cuss.

Anyway, then I heard from my friend in Australia and we talked for around 2 hours. I really do miss her and wish she'd talk her boyfriend into trying it out over here for a while. She and I seems to have very little in common other than a need for pain...Me tattoos and weights and her on her bicycle.

That reminds me , she found it disturbing that I require tattoo pain in my life. Aside from the adrenaline rush that goes along with it (which is why I think people become addicted), there is a comfort to the pain. For some reason with me, it stops that nagging little doubtful voice in my head and reminds me that there are other things in life. That what I am doing now is not truly important in other ways. There is life itself...pain, joy, beauty, no one will die over what I am doing right now. My work is not life saving or world changingly important really. So take a breath and smile. The world has other things to offer.

For some reason, it does take a lot of pain to remind me of that every year around this time.